I haven’t been writing in a while so I turned to a solid form of inspiration I have come to know as Ten Quote Tuesday on A Writer’s Path. I found this:
“Writing means not just staring ugliness in the face but finding a way to embrace it.” -Veronica Roth
It reminded me of a piece I had written a while ago so I’m gonna re-share.
Delving into the depths of emotion is not something I’m comfortable with. If I watch a movie and it makes me cry, I probably won’t watch it again. If a book doesn’t end the way I want it to, same deal.
Bittersweet is something I appreciate but don’t want to experience I guess. I want the happy ending or at least a promise of hope. This piece is rough for sure but I wrote it and it felt weird and freeing at the same time.:
Like the Boogeyman in the night, Honesty has come to wake me from the wonderful dream I currently reside in. With it’s claws of truth swiping at my closed lids I fight back with my imaginary sword of Delusion.
The battle is on.
Through the fog of my insecurities I see the teeth of the beast coming for me. Dripping with the venom of reality, every drop dissipates the mist surrounding us. I raise my shield of Fear and charge.
The Beast of Honesty attacks in kind and we collide in an explosion of my dreams and wishes. I fall back and scramble to regain my feet. Digging my heals in, I prepare for the next move. The beast flicks its tail in anticipation of the morsel it is about to consume. My lies and half truths are like candy it cannot wait to devour.
It springs towards me, it’s eyes locked on its prey. I dodge and swing my Sword of Delusion! A miss! This beast is quick! We round each other, stalking, with our breath swirling together in the fog.
In a flash the claws of truth slice through the mist and catch my arm. The searing pain wells up my eyes but I will not fall so easily. I have worked to long at building my frivolous world to have it end here. I call upon my illusions and inner demons to give me strength.
I charge again.
The combat is intense; with both of us taking hits, both of us landing some. I look down and my shield of Fear is cracked. My armour of Deceit is dented. My resolve against this monster is sure though and I look to the beast for another attack.
The fog swirls before my eyes and the mound of the body appears. It’s down! I dash forward to finish it off with all my trepidations and misgivings spurring me on. How dare this monster come to topple my house of cards! How presumptuous to think I would lay down my Delusions and Fear so easily! My vain victory is close enough to touch!
As I approach the downed monster I raise my sword for the final blow. I whack it with my blade and puncture its flesh, scales falling at my feet.
It does not move. It does not wail. The beast of Honesty lays still and waiting for it’s demise.
My foot steps on a scale, shattering it like glass. I look down at the litter beneath me and I pause. The scales are covered in words. I pick one up to examine, keeping a wary eye on my downed opponent.
As I read the scale in my hand the words seem familiar. As I recite them in my head I am taken back to the moment they came out of my mouth. These are my words! I hold in my hand a little lie I told when I was five and did not want to get into trouble. I pick up another scale to read. As I suspected, another lie! This one I told myself to validate an error in judgement.
I look at the beast, it’s breath slow and shallow. For the first time I see its body is covered in scales of all sizes and colours. Some small and white, some grey. Others are so large and black I wonder how the monster could manage the weight of it.
Suddenly the monster raises it head and looks at me. Its eyes stare at me and I can see defeat creeping into them. The sadness in them halts my step as I realize. This monster is my own creation.
All my hiding, all my lies, have piled up over the years to create this nightmare!
I swing at the scales with my sword, but nothing happens. The scales remain strong against my Delusion. I beat at them with my shield but they do not shudder from my Fear. Discarding both I approach the beast. With tears in my eyes and my body tired from the battle I begin ripping at the scales in a desperate fury.
One by one they begin to fall. The scales of my lies shattering at my feet as I tear them away. As layer upon layer is stripped away with my shaking little hands, a light begins to emerge. I look into the monsters eyes and know it is urging me to continue. Its relief from the weight of my lies is palpable. The task at hand is difficult, some scales refusing to budge but I continue. As I struggle, the plight of the beast, of what I have done to it forms a new rage of determination within me. With every shattered lie the light gets brighter until finally I can see it. The heart of Honesty is still beating. I stop my onslaught and watch it. Every beat reverberates through my being until I realize our hearts are in tune. I fall into the light and realize, the heart is mine. And I am free.