This Will Be The Year I Fail

To fail would be to have at least given something a shot.

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit pf your stomach or the back of your mind? You know you didn’t give it your all.  Maybe you’re getting an accolade for something you came up with in 15 minutes or maybe you’re getting called out about something you spent a day and half on. But YOU know.  You know it wasn’t everything you could have done because you didn’t really care about it or you were afraid of it or you were busy with other things you felt were more important.

But 100% was not anything you showed up with.

I get by alright. I’m good at my job – everyone but my boss seems to think I’m indispensable. I’m good at cooking – but I never have dinner parties. I’m a good girlfriend, I could be a better friend to my girls and I’m ok at this general being a grown up thing.

Most of the time though, I feel like I’m missing in action.

I have realized that I’m afraid of failure so I never try too hard at anything. I’m lucky and a lot of things come easily to me – or maybe I just don’t go looking for the hard stuff. I was an honour student before I had to learn how to study. I’m convinced the first two years of my College curriculum was, for the most part, pumping the graduate numbers because a lot of it was a joke. So what did I do? You got it.  I showed up late, left early for my job and never thought twice about it.  Yes, I graduated with a great mark.

2015 will be the year I fail – if I’m lucky.

I want to try something with all my might. I want to live that 100% rather than just giving this whole thing a go. I want all those damn inspirational quotes to be a been-there-done-that.

I want to know that something I’ve done, created or imagined was given my undivided, full spirited devotion. It might turn out to be shit – I need to learn what I’m good at. (spoiler alert – it’s not Math 101). It could be magic though and isn’t that worth the possible fall?  I think it is.  Now I just have to accept that it is and go for it.

Come fail with me!

End of Patience

Advertisements

I used to sing in the shower…

rantshower

Now I rant in the shower.

My 10 mins or so at 10 after 5 AM are MY time,  Lately, I’ve come to use this time to rant about everything that pissed me off yesterday, everything that pissed me off last week, and everything that I’m pretty sure will piss me off today.

It helps me keep my sparkling personality at the forefront.

wink

It also helps me define what I’m actually angry about and, yes, it helps me use my words. I might recount a particular situation, over and over and practice what I should’ve said or might have said; until I get it right. Where my thought and opposition is clear and heard for what I mean it to be.

I am not an angry person by nature. I am an exhaustible optimist.  Still…sometimes…. Continue reading “I used to sing in the shower…”

An only child who got smarter about SHARING

I was very hesitant about sharing my blog once I found out my posts here were going right on my FB page for all to see.

Turns out, I just had to keep learning.  Thank You Blogging 101!  Extend your brand was a fantastic post that I learned a ton from.

Now I don’t have to worry about driving people crazy with posts. Now I won’t go crazy with wondering what people think (yeah, I’m like that. What? I’m working on it ok?)

My blog goes to my fan page and people can choose to go there or not.

Ahhhhhhh….now I feel like I got my comfy chair worked in just right.

chair

An only child who’s not good with SHARING

baby eyes

 

I ignored my blog for a year. Then I came back and hit the “sharing with Facebook” button.

I quickly un-shared as soon as I saw the WordPress postings on my FB page.

I’m just not sure I want all the people in my life knowing and finding my blog.  It’s mostly my rambling anyway, so most of them hear it on a daily basis.

Then again…no they don’t. And that’s my problem.

My blog was going to be this safe space that I could post what ever I wanted; and do so fairly anonymously.

Then my Mom found it. Continue reading “An only child who’s not good with SHARING”

Indulgence

It is in a hard light that we see the truth of ourselves.

And in that light, the rays of the sun are reflected off our welcoming faces and the sheen of the moon glistens off our awe.
We stand so small against mountains, yet we do not fear them. The small worry under our skin scares us most of all.

So how, when we fear the same thing, are we so different?

The dark creeps up on everyone, and the dawn shines on all our secrets eventually. Continue reading “Indulgence”

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Kim Harrison

The View From My Office

Ever After Writer

Writing Craft through the Romance Lens

labyless

Defining Intangibles

readful things blog

The search for meaning, one page at a time

Object Relations

"A Word of Substance"

Live to Write - Write to Live

We live to write and write to live ... professional writers talk about the craft and business of writing

Drinkers with Writing Problems

Literature by the Lit Up

Useless Book Club

J S Malpas - self-published author, reviewer of popular novels and creator of original short stories

%d bloggers like this: